You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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