Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
