Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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