I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
