does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
