I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
