But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
