So drunk its hurt
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
