dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
