Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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