So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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