Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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