How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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