Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
