i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm getting married
To pizza
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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