Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
