just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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