One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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