WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
