It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize