actually, I'm a sock model
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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