I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
