Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
