Christians are straight up FREAKS
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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