It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
