No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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