i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
