hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
