Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize