If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
