I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
