I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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