Already got asked if we're dating
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
