Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
