Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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