Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
two words...techno handjob
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
