Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
