why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
BRING THE BAGELS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
