i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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