grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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