this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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