i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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