Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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