I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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