just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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