What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
