She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
