i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
