I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize