If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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