i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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