I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
