Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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