That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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