I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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