i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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