I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
