Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
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beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found puke in my bra..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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