Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
