i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
