I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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