do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
