Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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