I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
