Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
