I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize