Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
