careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
