OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
