just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
