great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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