i think my tv is drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
