So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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