Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
