the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
