Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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