Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
